Please find below some example Group Safety Statements intended to address predatory or otherwise inappropriate behaviors in and around meetings. These are provided as a starting point -- your group may opt to use and/or adapt some of the below, or start from scratch. Take what you like and leave the rest!
The below is a running list, so please check back periodically for the latest-greatest. If your group has a safety statement you would like to contribute to this list, please email [email protected]
(1) Group: DC008
STATUS: Approved 9/29/18
It is this group’s conscience to provide a safe, respectful, and inclusive meeting place for all attendees, which we view as critical to achieving our primary purpose: helping adult children to achieve emotional sobriety. In order to provide a welcoming environment for everyone, we ask that each person here refrains from any language and behavior that threatens the well-being of any of our members.
This includes predatory behavior which we define as exploiting someone’s vulnerabilities for self-serving purposes including romantic, sexual, financial, emotional, or psychological. If any person feels unsafe or in jeopardy at any time and for any reason, we encourage you to report that to a trusted servant of this group, such as a member of the Safety Committee. We also remind you that it does not go against any ACA Traditions to call the proper authorities if someone may have broken the law.
(2) Group: Bill D’s HG
“This a statement we inserted into our meetings format we read before each meeting. It is in the Meeting Boundaries section in several Ft Lauderdale meetings”
Some people attending ACA meetings have not grown beyond their victim or victimizer scripts and may attempt to meet their own needs through manipulation of newcomers, who are particularly vulnerable to abuse. This violates the safety of the meeting and can drive away some newcomers.
We strive to practice anonymity, confidentiality, and respect for others so that the meeting will be a safe place for each and every adult child.
(3) Group: Oaks PA 076
Our meeting must be a safe place where we remain mindful of each person's right to choose how they interact and who they interact with. We practice recovery's spiritual principle of attraction not promotion. We do not use the program to solicit recovery, romance, financial help or any other services. We remain willing to inventory when we may be coming from our own unmet needs as we interact with each other.
We do this because we know many of us, particularly newcomers, have not yet learned to feel comfortable saying no or setting boundaries. Therefore we do not solicit or give advice without explicit consent. Hand holding, handshakes, hugs are all optional. "No, thank you" is sufficient. While we give space to experience our program, we are truly grateful you are here and we look forward to getting to know each other and answering questions before and after the meeting. We aren't perfect. The welcome we give you may not show the warmth we have in our hearts for you but if you will keep coming back you will see that we love and accept you in a very special way. Should you feel uncomfortable or question the approach of a member please speak with a meeting officer or trusted member.
(4) Group: VA068 (ACA Unity Club, Monday 7 pm)
(Read at halftime of every meeting, per Group Conscience held on 10/15/18)
Newcomers can be particularly vulnerable to emotional, financial and sexual exploitation. While we strive to keep all of our meetings safe, there may be an attendee who attempts to meet their needs through manipulation of group members. This is called the “Thirteenth Step,” which violates the safety of the meeting and is not part of our program. We therefore encourage newcomers to take common sense precautions when getting to know fellow ACAs. We suggest meeting in a public place, meeting with more than one person at a time, and any other steps you would take when you first meet people. If you have concerns about the conduct of a group member, please discuss it with your sponsor, a fellow traveler, a member of the meeting or that person directly and if necessary, it will be discussed at a Group Conscience or Group Business meeting.
(5) Group Safety and Crosstalk (submitted by group CA 837 in Costa Mesa)
Our meeting must be a safe place where we remain mindful of each person’s right to choose how they interact and who they interact with. We practice recovery’s spiritual principle of attraction not promotion. We do not use this meeting to solicit romance, financial opportunities or any other services not specifically supported by this group through group conscience. We remain willing to inventory whether we might be coming from our own un-met needs as we interact with each other. We do this because we know many of us, particularly newcomers, have not yet learned to feel comfortable saying no or setting boundaries. Should you feel uncomfortable about the approach from a member, before, during or after the meeting, please speak with a meeting officer or a trusted member.
In ACA, we do not “cross talk” in the meeting. Cross talk means interrupting, referring to, or commenting on what another person has said during the meeting. We do not cross talk because adult children come from family backgrounds where feelings and perceptions were judged as wrong or defective. In ACA, each person may share feelings and perceptions without fear of judgment. We accept without comment what others say because it is true for them. We work toward taking more responsibility in our lives rather than giving advice to others.
Sharing our own experience can be done with “I” statements instead of “you” or “we” statements or referring to someone present by name.
When listening to others share their experience, we hold back comments, responses and distractions. It is suggested rather than referring directly to someone else’s share, a person might use language like:
“What comes up for me is: …..dot, dot, dot….”
In ACA we do not touch, hug or attempt to comfort others when they become emotional during an ACA meeting. If someone begins to cry during a meeting, we allow the person to feel their feelings without interruption. To touch or hug the person is known as “fixing.” As children, we tried to fix our parents or to control them with our behavior. In ACA, we are learning to take care of ourselves. We support others by accepting them into our meeting and listening to them. We allow them to feel their feelings…….in peace.
*Sources: “CrossTalk” statements from Costa Mesa, CA 5:30pm ACA Meeting, Costa Mesa, CA 4:00pm Laundry List study, ACA (purple) booklet “Cross Talk” and Group Safety Statement from Group 076 in Oaks, Pennsylvania offered among those listed in “Examples of Group Safety Statements” in ACAWSO online.
(6) Sunlight of the Spirit Group (Sacramento, CA)
Safety In Meetings
In ACA, we create a safe place to open up and share… We simply do not make comments either positive or negative about another person's share before, during, or after a meeting. Red Book page 574
Guidelines:
- Keep Tradition One in Mind - Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon ACA unity.
- Two or more group members can ask the disruptive person to leave the meeting and return when he or she is willing to work recovery. As the person to talk to a sponsor or consider getting a sponsor.
- If the problematic behavior persists, ask the person to take a break from the meeting.
- If the person is disruptive and will not leave the meeting, escort him or her from the meeting if the person is not violent.
- If the disruptive person becomes violent or threatening, shut down the meeting immediately and ask members to depart.
- Call the police if there is clear and present danger to lives, health, or property. Red Book page 584
Safety In Meetings
Safety in Meetings is outlined in the Red Book on p 584-585 as follows:
- Tradition One - Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon ACA unity.
- Two or more group members can ask the disruptive person to leave the meeting and return when they are willing to work recovery.
- If the problematic behavior persists, ask the person to take a two week break from the meeting.
- If the person is disruptive and will not leave the meeting, escort him or her from the meeting if the person is not violent.
- If the disruptive person becomes violent or threatening, shut down the meeting immediately and have all members depart for the common welfare.
- Call the police if there is danger to lives, health, or property.
For The Disruptive Person, We Suggest:
Sunlight of the Spirit Safety People: Carol, Marty, Courbet, Connie, Cindy and Dan
- Invite the person to talk in the hall, and say, "Our Group does not feel safe with you in the meeting, and we would like you to leave."
- If they refuse to go to the hall, During the meeting, say "Our Group does not feel safe with you in the meeting, and we would like you to leave."
- If they refuse to leave, Interrupt the meeting and Say, "The meeting is unsafe and I need you all to leave. Sorry for the inconvenience, there is another meeting tomorrow."
- Stay with the Disruptive Person until they are out of the building.
- If they refuse to leave, Let them know, you will call the Police.
- Call the Police and Stay with the person until they are out of the building.
ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR
Financial Abuse
*There is never a time when a newcomer is supposed to pay for anything. One old timer asked a newcomer to lunch and then proceeded to tell them that they are supposed to pay.
Sexual Abuse
A Sponsor is the gender that you would not date.
Physical Abuse
*One Sponsor told a Sponcee to wash their car and clean their house.
Spiritual Abuse
*One Sponsor told a Sponcee that if they didn't get a God, they wouldn't make it.
Many Members are Agnostic and believe that nothing is known of the existence of God, and they have a very strong recovery program.
